Mennonite Women Struggling With Depression and Addiction

An article published in an online Mexican News Outlet reads; Cases of depression in Mennonite women of Cuauhtémoc will be attended – XHEPL. Mennonites usually keep themselves as separated as they can from ‘outsiders’, however since there are not many Mennonite doctors, they do have to seek help outside of the community. This has led to the surrounding community now becoming quite concerned with the trends they are seeing, so much so that articles are being written about it by news outlets.

Growing up in this same Cuauhtémoc Mennonite community, I remember my mother struggling behind closed doors with depression, although I did not know the name for it then. My mom would be hopeless and despondent, and I knew she would then take her pills. When she did take them, she became erratic and agitated. As I grew older, I was faced with the realities and consequences of growing up like I did. Depression and anxiety became the ‘norm’ for me. I know now there were many women just like my mother, that were struggling behind closed doors.

Doctors are quick to prescribe anti-depressants, and when the dosage is no longer enough the pills become stronger and more frequent. For some, it becomes an addiction. This is a well-known anecdote within the community, often spoken of, laughed at, but never addressed at its core.

Silence Within the Community

The men and women in the community are part of the cycle of abuse that is well known and talked little about. Part of the reason for that is also the pride Mennonites carry for their culture and they do not want to bash their elders and disrespect their roots. But it is my belief that you can love your culture, while also being honest. The truth is there are downsides to growing up in a highly religious environment.

Why Are Cases Of Depression So High In Mennonite Communities

I have a few answers to this question, from women who have been through it. Even though each situation for every woman will be different, the treatment of women that is often accepted within the Mennonite culture is often dehumanizing. Women are often perceived as being less than a man; less important, less intelligent, and so on. Your only value lies in your ability to cook, clean and birth children. And to please a man sexually, no matter what might be asked of you. Rather than painting a picture of God’s unique design and purpose that make a man and a woman in marriage, a picture of the relationship between Christ and the Church, women are seen more as a lesser human, there to take care of the man’s every need.

Women I have spoken to about this subject described to me the feeling of complete insignificance that resulted from this kind of treatment, not only from their fathers and husbands, but also from church leaders, when they sought out help for their situations.

Oh, the stories I could tell, stories that truly break my heart. Things I have heard from women that I love dearly. And what is worse is that women are made to believe that God also sees them as “less than”. So, there is no hope for them on this earth or in the afterlife because their value in Christ is not taught, and assurance of salvation is not preached in the traditional Mennonite Churches. There is only hopelessness in their life now, and fear of the afterlife.

A Mennonite Woman’s Perspective

Growing up, I had this notion that God valued me less than a man. My grand mother and all my aunts worked tirelessly to keep spotless homes and to have many children and raise them. Only for it to be counted as nothing in the end. Women are forced to wear unappealing dresses. These dresses are not flattering and could once have been considered beautiful, but are now completely outdated. Women stick out like a sore thumb in a public setting, while at the same time the men sport newer fashion trends.

Dressing like you got stuck in the previous century leaves women feeling alienated and out of place and un-beautiful. And this is only magnified by the infidelity and adultery that has become all too common.

A Glimpse Of A Mennonite Woman’s Life

A Friend I reached out to was gracious enough to share her firsthand experiences with me. The paragraphs below contain her story. (Paraphrased and translated from German to English)

“We had to have all the children possible whether we could manage it or not, basically one a year. We were not allowed to dress attractively and often ridiculed. There is no identity outside the home and raising your children, there is an overwhelming amount of work with no help available, and surely not from a man.

If there are so many children constantly surrounding, you and there is no assurance of salvation. So, there is an immense sense of doom, looking down at your babies thinking they are going to hell one day.

The Mennonite church has strict rules of dresses and head coverings, alongside rules that you must not shave your body hair. Your head must be covered in a traditional head covering. And the style, length, fit and color of your dress must meet the standard. These rules stem from scripture that says we must be ‘set apart’ from the world, how ever it seems in many instances the woman are the only ones who must carry the burden of appearing so physically different, while the men can blend in more easily.

I Was Scared

There was this doubt in me also that Jesus had come for women too, because we were always made to feel like nothing and worthless, the church often talks about women as temptresses. I once even had to research if Jesus died for women too, because Genesis states that a woman must be saved through childbearing, so in my mind I really doubted that Jesus died for us women too.

Women were always the problem if a man had strayed. It was always our fault.

The men in the community also stray toward women that are more conventionally attractive, right in front of the eyes of the wives. Most know of the recurring infidelities, and some do not. And yet the majority stay within their homes, whether there is abuse going on or not. There is no acceptable reason to leave a relationship. If you dare to leave you are shunned. The church does occasionally intervene, but often the weight of the situation gets placed upon the woman and her alleged failures as a wife.”

All Sources Will Be Kept Anonymous

What Can Be Done to Address The Cause Of Depression

I do believe that conversations have changed through the years, but the honesty and transparency is no where near where it needs to be. There is a darkness and evil within the community. The abuse and misuse of children and women.

I obviously cannot speak for every woman struggling with depression but what I do know is that the stories that I have heard from women within the community. I am often left in complete disbelief. God places us exactly where he wants us. God put within this Mennonite community, and I have a passion for helping women like me.

I have an enormous compassion for women struggling with depression. Especially because I saw my mother survive and thrive after overcoming it herself. But, I know the cause of depression for these women is rooted in Mennonite culture and religion.

The cycle of abuse needs to be stopped, and it starts with me and you. Speak up!

The Cycle of Abuse and Depression

There is no point in drafting this article, if I leave out the actual dark truth. It hurts me to write these ugly things about a community that I am proud to be a part of. But it must be exposed. I do not want to glorify mental health issues. It is not a rite of passage or an honorable struggle, as I have sometimes seen in depicted in the media. It is a mental health issue, and it must be addressed.

There is hope and there are things that can be done to manage and treat depression. How ever the first suggestion is always anti-depressants and therapy. Which has been proven to be FAR less effective than alternative methods such as changes in diet and exercise habits. As well as spending time in nature, and in scripture. But root cause of depression in Mennonite women is more significant than lifestyle changes. These women cannot escape their situation. For many, asking for help is not an option. Struggle is their normal.

The amount of physical, verbal, and sexual abuse occurring in Mennonite homes across the entire continent is overwhelming. As we know this sets off a never-ending cycle. It is up to each of us, to ensure we do better for our children and communities. Speak up!